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Where Did The Week Go

 

Police in Search of ‘Portland Pooper’

I’d like to be able to tell you this is the first time I’ve ever written a story on a “Serial Pooper,” but in all honesty, it’s like the third time and I never get tired of it.

Police in Portland are in search of a man residents have dubbed “The Portland Pooper.” The unknown white male has been seen multiple times defecating in the southwest part of the city in the last few weeks.

This is malicious fecal distribution of the highest order. But to some, the stinky attacks are premeditated.

Portland Pooper-KOIN
Have you seen this poopetrator? | (KOIN)

“I find it interesting that he has toilet paper with him, it’s very pre-planned,” said Catrina Salazar to KOIN. “You just don’t really know what to expect around here. People, they like do their own thing, they kind of march to the beat of their own drum.”

One business owner decided enough is enough and set up a surveillance camera to identify the poop perpetrator on video. He then passed out flyers so that the public is aware of what he looks like.

“It’s pretty weird because we’ve got a couple of schools and a park here,” said Shawn Peralta. “There are a lot of families around here and this is not the kind of thing you want to see.”

If caught, the man faces charges including public indecency and “offensive littering.” Hey, at least what he’s leaving behind is biodegradable.

But what could have led a man down this unsanitary path? Too many food trucks? Not enough bathrooms or perhaps he takes the “Keep Portland Weird” slogan a little too seriously. Either way, be on the lookout Portlandia and be sure to wash your hands afterword.

 

Netflix Instant Pick: Stretch

It isn’t often that I see a movie that is completely unpredictable from beginning to end, but I had that experience watching the kinetic, drug-fueled comedy Stretch.

Patrick Wilson stars as a limo driver having a really bad day. First his girlfriend dumps him, a very dangerous man he happens to owe $6,000 to threatens him if he doesn’t come up with the money by midnight and a rival limo company is threatening to take all of his potential clients thus preventing him from somehow coming up with the $6,000.

But when he takes a job with a crazed passenger who promises him the money if he picks up a briefcase with sensitive material in it, he has no choice but to roll the dice and see where the night takes him.

Stretch-aintitcool.com
‘Stretch’ is a refreshingly unpredictable comedy. | (aintitcool.com)

I like films that take place all in one night and Stretch is like a mix of After Hours, The Hangover and Harlod & Kumar Go to White Castle. Wilson is a great talent who shows he can do both comedy and drama and it makes me wonder why he isn’t in more big movies. I think he needs a new agent.

The crazy passenger he’s escorting is played by Chris Pine who is unrecognizable as a bearded rich lunatic who would rather go to a shady sex party at a mansion than take our protagonist to the briefcase. Like Wilson, Pine is hysterical at times and really shows how versatile he can be (Not just a pretty face).

If Nightcrawler presented Los Angeles as a shady, nocturnal underbelly of greed and opportunity, Stretch is the sex, drugs and rock & roll of the City of Angels. You don’t know what’s going to happen, but you’ll certainly have a story to tell.

Stretch was directed by Joe Carnahan who continues to show his range as a writer/director. He previously made Narc, Smokin’ Aces, The A-Team and The Grey and he’s rumored to be directing Bad Boys 3. I can see why. Few directors have the ability to balance comedy and action better and Stretch is a worthy precursor to what he could potentially do with Bad Boys 3.

 

Inmate Arrested After Refusing to Leave Jail. Wait…What?

I’ve never been in jail before but perhaps it isn’t as bad as everyone makes it out to be. Not after reading a story about a criminal who didn’t want to leave.

David Spurlock, 29, was first arrested on Wednesday for possession of methamphetamine and drug paraphernalia, but was released the same day per a court order.

Those few hours spent in the Maricopa County jail in Phoenix must have been delightful for Mr. Spurlock because once he was free to leave, he refused and had to be escorted out.

Upon being forcibly released, Spurlock ran to a marked semi-truck belonging to the Maricopa County Sheriff’s Office and unsuccessfully attempted to start it up before being arrested again.

“Maybe he liked the food so much, he thought he would take a truck load of my vegetarian meals with him,” said Sheriff Joe Arpaio.

Spurlock is back in jail on a burglary charge and is no doubt loving his accommodations.

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