Where Did The Week Go…

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Where Did The Week Go

“The Bowel Movement Bandit” on the Loose

What is it about Ohio lately? Last week it was an old man repeatedly getting his house egged and this week it’s a man defecating on people’s cars. Careful Ohio, you’re beginning to resemble the great state of Florida.

After three years and 19 cars, police may finally have a lead on a suspect who has been dropping trou and defecating on the hood of some parked cars in Akron, Ohio. A husband and wife who say their daughter’s car had been the victim of malicious fecal distribution seven different times set up a camera to see if they could catch whoever was doing it and sure enough, they got their man.

Bowel Movement Bandit-Akron Police Department
The ‘Bowel Movement Bandit’ caught red-handed. | (Akron Police Department)

 

The early-rising bandit has been striking (or relieving himself) between 5:30 and 6:30 a.m. and on Wednesday the man was finally seen on camera for the first time. None of the victims so far have recognized the man in the picture and police haven’t been able to determine a motive or common thread among all of the victims. Their conclusion is that “this is going to be someone with a mental health issue or someone that’s just sick.”

Like last week’s story, the fact that this has been going on for three years and there hasn’t been any arrests is amazing. And they only just obtained visual evidence of the guy? It’s like they were looking for bigfoot or something. Even the photo is grainy and in profile.

Akron Police posted the photo on their Facebook page along with the proper information for reporting any possible leads.

Maybe we need to think outside the box with this one. Perhaps he just doesn’t like cars or maybe he wasn’t properly potty-trained as a child. It could be that complicated. Or, it’s just some idiot playing a funny but disgusting joke on people for the last three years.

 

John Madden Doesn’t like Raising Money for Charity Apparently

Will Ferrell can do no wrong in my book. The man is hilarious and he seems like a nice guy in real life. He’s also aware that his celebrity can be used for good like raising money for charity. But instead of writing a big check or going on a telethon, he decided to raise money in a fun and creative way.

On Thursday the actor/comedian spent 14 hours playing 10 positions for 10 MLB teams in five Cactus League games. Why was he doing all of this? To raise money for charity to the tune of an estimated $1 million. Everyone loved it. Everyone except former NFL coach and broadcaster John Madden.

While appearing on the radio program KCBS 740 in San Francisco, Madden was asked about Ferrell’s stunt and he apparently was not amused by any of it.

ferrell
Will Ferrell raising money for charity is no laughing matter to John Madden. | (AP Photo)

 

“I hate it,” said Madden. “That’s a lack of respect, that’s a lack of respect for the game, I think, and a respect for what players have to do to get where they are.”

The whole exchange seemed a little weird and perhaps a set up on the part of the radio hosts. Why ask former football legend John Madden about a baseball story in the first place? Either way Madden comes off as an old curmudgeon.

It’s spring training baseball, Madden! Trust me, those players probably enjoyed the entertainment. I mean who wouldn’t want to see 47-year-old and out of shape Will Ferrell prancing around the field or hanging out in the dugout?

Another sports guy named Maddon, Joe Maddon that is, loved it. The current manager of the Cubs thought the whole thing was a huge hit with his players and coaches.

“It was a lot of fun, man,” Maddon told CSN Chicago. “Nice play in the outfield, he was a lot of fun on the bench. I think it’s good for baseball in general to have him do something like that with his popularity.”

Now there’s a man with a sense of humor.

 

Pastor Wants People to Pay for his New Jet

You know you’re having rich-man problems when… your private plane is old and you ask people to help pay for a new Gulfstream G650 airplane.

Creflo Dollar, the pastor and evangelist at a prominent Georgia megachurch is seeking donations to help pay for a new luxury jet valued at more than $65 million.

The website of Creflo Dollar Ministries asked people on Friday for a donation stating “We are believing for 200,000 people to give contributions of 300 US dollars or more to turn this dream into a reality.” It was later changed to the more pleasant sounding “Sow your love gift of any amount” to help the ministry buy the new airplane.

Pastor plane-thedailybeast.com
This guy wants a new plane and he’s not willing to pay for it himself. | (thedailybeast.com)

 

The ministry’s current plane, acquired in 1999, was built in 1984 and is no longer safe for travel according to the church. Members of the ministry travel for much of the year bringing their message, food and supplies to people around the world according to spokesman Juda Engelmayer. The new jet would be faster, more fuel efficient and contain more cargo and seating capacity.

I don’t have a problem with a church asking for donations, but I do have a problem with people who decide to give money to a lucrative church asking for a Gulfstream. Dollar’s net worth is in the millions and he can get up to $100,000 for a single appearance at a speaking engagement. It seams pretty seedy and slimy to ask the people who come to your church and already donate to now give more of their money for a luxury jet.

Giving $5 to a congregation might be difficult for some people these days and this guy is asking for $65 million? Two words: payment plan.

 

Passionate about movies, sports and writing, Ryan hails from Bend but lives in Springfield now. He earned his college degree in journalism from the University of Oregon and hopes to one day write a novel. He also enjoys sunsets and long walks on the beach.

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