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Where Did The Week Go… Nintendo To Discontinue the NES Classic

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The NES Classic Is No More

When we found out Nintendo was releasing a 30-games-in-1 edition of their original NES system, the hype and anticipation was huge. But like most Nintendo releases, the launch was bafflingly mishandled.

There was no pre-order options available and the number of units shipped to the United States for the Nov. 11, 2016 release was scarce. If you could get your hands on one, it would be like finding a unicorn.

Six months later and it’s still nearly impossible to find one unless you want to pay three times the retail price of $59.99 online.

Despite the demand still being high, Nintendo announced this week that they are ceasing production.

Goodbye NES Classic. We hardly knew you. | (mashable.com)

Here’s Nintendo’s statement:

“Throughout April, NOA territories will receive the last shipments of Nintendo Entertainment System: NES Classic Edition systems for this year. We encourage anyone interested in obtaining this system to check with retail outlets regarding availability. We understand that it has been difficult for many consumers to find a system, and for that we apologize. We have paid close attention to consumer feedback, and we greatly appreciate the incredible level of consumer interest and support for this product.”

The one thing missing from this statement is an explanation.

They’re just patting themselves on the back and then patronizing everyone by including the “paid close attention to consumer feedback” comment. They obviously didn’t pay close attention to consumer feedback because if they did there would be more units in North America.

“The good news is, at least for consumers in the Americas, is we’re going to continue to make the NES Classic available. With the ongoing level of supply, the ongoing demand is going to be met. We know the concern.” That was Nintendo of America boss Reggie Fils-Aime in January.

Instead, they’ve basically given up without explaining why.

From a business perspective, it makes no sense. I didn’t do very well in economics but the basic principle of the subject is supply and demand. Nintendo created a lot of demand and virtually zero supply. I guess they don’t like money.

 

Parents Throw Daughter a Poop-Themed Birthday Party

One of the great things about being a kid is when your parents throw you a themed birthday party. My themes included sports, Batman and wrestling. Typical boy stuff.

But for three-year-old Audrey in Missouri, the theme she just had to have was poop. That’s right, poop.

“For months, every time we mentioned her party, Audrey requested ‘poop balloons and a poop cake,'” said Audrey’s mother, Rebecca. “I tried suggesting other themes, but she always insisted on poop.”

Eventually Rebecca and her husband gave in and decided to “embrace the weird” to give Audrey the party she wanted.

A unique birthday party that didn’t stink. | (Pintrest)

Guests at the party played “pin the poop” on a picture of a toilet, received whoopee cushion favors and the kids smashed a poop emoji-shaped pinata filled with Tootsie Rolls and Hershey’s Kisses.

Cookies, balloons, the cake, even Rebecca herself dressed as poop. Despite the unusual theme, everyone who attended loved it.

“I expected the grandparents to question it, but they all just laughed when I told them,” said Rebecca.

“This party wasn’t for me, it was for Audrey. I love that we will look back at pictures, and it will represent her at 3 — my funny and quirky little girl,” said Rebecca.

I’m pretty sure Audrey will regret this decision in about 10 years when mom busts out the photos. But it’s cute and endearing.

 

Former Alabama Governor Looks Like Mr. Burns

Stop me if you’ve heard this one before. Politician gets in trouble for violating campaign finance rules. What did he spend campaign cash on? To cover up an affair with his former top aide. Seriously, this literally checks off all the boxes for corrupt politicians to the point where it’s become a cliche.

The politician in question is now former Alabama governor Robert Bentley. But we’re not here to talk about his indiscretions or generally creepy vibe. No, we’re here to discuss his resemblance to The Simpsons character, Mr. Burns.

If they ever decide to make a live-action Simpsons movie. | (Montgomery County Sheriff’s Office)

Bentley’s mugshot is eerily similar to that of Montgomery Burns. You’ve got the big bald head, the nose and the overbite. The only difference is that in Burns’ mugshot, he looks genuinely evil.

Bentley doesn’t know what to do. He kind of half-commits to a smile resulting in a pervy look that makes him look even more guilty. He should have taken notes from former mugshot man turned male model, Jeremy Meeks. If it wasn’t for last week’s fake crazy squirrel lady, he would have the best mugshot of the week.

Where Did The Week Go… Bigfoot X-ing

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Woman Blames Car Crash On Bigfoot

There’s so many distractions for drivers these days. From looking at your phone (Stop!) to eating (Wait until you get home!) to awkwardly waving at the dude (Because he’s waving back) in the Statue of Liberty outfit promoting the local company that will do your taxes for you, drivers have plenty of challenges on the road.

One distraction I didn’t think about is Bigfoot. I mean come on, seeing Harry from Harry and the Hendersons walking around would be a bit of a distraction. Especially if he was also eating Jack Link’s Jerky.

A woman in Idaho allegedly experienced the rare Bigfoot sighting and it caused her to crash her car.

This is actually a sign in Oregon. | (dreamstime.com)

According to Pullman Radio, the woman told the Latah County Sheriff’s Office that she saw a “shaggy” creature between 7 and 8 feet tall chasing a deer on a stretch of US-95 outside of Potlatch.

The woman checked her mirrors to see the Bigfoot. But as her eyes re-adjusted to the road she hit the deer with her Subaru Forester according to the Moscow-Pullman Daily News.

She continued driving, picking up her husband from work, and then drove to the sheriff’s office to report the incident. In a stunning development, officers did not find any evidence of Bigfoot at the scene of the crash.

Does the Sasquatch really exist? We only have this grainy video as any type of evidence. If it does exist, he’s doing a better job of hiding than Richard Simmons.

 

Video of the Week: Trump Forgetting to Sign Executive Orders

If there’s one thing Donald Trump loves to do as President, it’s sign executive orders. The first month of his presidency was chalked full of show-and-tell ceremonies of him signing things to let everyone know “See, I’m doing stuff.”

But on Friday, Trump appeared in yet another episode of Veep, I mean, The Office, I mean, his role as the President when he gave a short speech on the two trade policies he was approving.

When the speech was over, Trump high-tailed it out of there to the bewilderment of Vice President Mike Pence who attempted to tell him to sign the EOs. Trump said something to the effect of, “Nah Bro, I’ll do that later,” and left Pence to awkwardly walk back to the desk to retrieve the documents.

But it didn’t end there. Pence then said to the three people next to him, “After you,” before ignoring that and walking in front of all of them anyway.

The cherry on top is the three reporters at the end saying off camera, “He did not sign them.”

This video will hopefully be the subject of another great SNL parody this weekend. Of course, why watch SNL when we can all just endure regular sketches of the comedy known as the current administration.

 

Dad’s Tough-Love Sign Goes Viral

I don’t have any kids, but I feel like parenting these days has gotten a little soft. It used to be that if you did something bad, you were grounded and had to go to your room. No playing outside, no toys and no television.

Nowadays, you have the term helicopter parents. This refers to a parent who pays extremely close attention to a child’s experiences and problems. Because they’re around their kids more often, they tend to reason with them rather than punish because, who wants to be around an angry kid? As a result, the kid doesn’t really learn a lesson. They just accept a short-term timeout until they revert back to their old ways.

Again, I’m not a parent so this is all just based on observations. But the good news is, there’s still parents out there who will give the tough-love treatment.

Tough-love indeed. | (Jeremy Brevared USA Today Sports)

One dad in particular is making the Internet rounds for a clever sign he brought to an NBA game last week. The sign read, “Thomas get your grades back up and next time you’ll be here. Love, Dad.” He also threw in a crying emoji.

The sign quickly went viral. Many praised the man’s parenting skills including a lot “dad of the year” posts on Twitter.

It’s certainly a creative way to punish your kid, but it’s also the tried and true approach of bribing. Back in my day, a reward for good behavior would be a trip to Dairy Queen for a Blizzard. Now it’s apparently tickets to see Lebron James. My have times changed.

 

Where Did The Week Go… Robert Kelly’s Live Interview Crashed by His Two Kids

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US Professor Robert Kelly’s Live TV Interview Interrupted by His Two Kids

 

I’m going to go out on a limb and say watching a professor being interviewed about the impeachment of South Korean president Park Geun-hye would not be high on my television-viewing power rankings. But if you throw in two small children and a panicking mom, that might be worth checking out.

And sure enough, the best Internet video of the week goes to professor Robert Kelly’s appearance on BBC World News. While being interviewed from his home office on live television, Kelly was interrupted first by his 4-year-old, Marion, who decided she just had to see dad.

Kelly was midway through answering the presenter’s questions about Park Geun-hye when his little girl can be seen opening the door and walking over to him.

“I think one of your children has just walked in,” says the broadcaster and like a true professional, Kelly remains focused and trained to the camera as he tries to literally push his daughter away. He also closes his eyes for a couple of seconds in hopes that she will magically disappear. She doesn’t.

Live TV lades and gentleman. | (BBC News)

Things get really interesting however when soon after, nine-month old James comes strolling in on his baby walker. He’s no doubt interested in dad’s view of the current state of international relations in South Korea. They start em so young these days.

But it’s what happens next that really puts the video over the top. Kelly’s wife, Jung-a Kim, slides into the room on those hardwood floors stumbling and bumbling as she drags the two kids out of the room. Kelly remains stoic, but also much whiter as he says, “My apologies” several times.

But just when it seems like it couldn’t get any better, the wife then crawls back into the room to avoid being seen (We can obviously see her) and closes the door. Maybe lock the door next time.

Kelly at no point attempts to get up himself to remove the children and it’s probably because he’s rocking the shirt and tie up top and no pants below.

This might be the best video we see all year. Thank you Robert Kelly.

 

Lawyer’s Pants Catch on Fire During Arson Trial

Miami defense attorney Stephen Gutierrez was on fire in the courtroom on Wednesday. No, he wasn’t wowing the jury with his arguments, he was literally on fire.

Gutierrez was forced to run out of the courtroom after his pants began to burn while he was giving closing statements in a case, according to The Miami Herald. The cause was due to e-cigarette batteries in his pocket.

E-cigarettes are bad for you in more ways than one. | (Thinkstock Photos)

The irony is that Gutierrez’s case involved arson. His client, Claudy Charles, was accused of intentionally setting his car on fire. Gutierrez was in the process of arguing that Charles’ car had actually spontaneously combusted when the lawyer’s own pants appeared to do just that.

“Shortly after beginning my argument, I notice that my pocket began to feel hot,” Gutierrez told The Huffington Post. “When I checked my pocket, I noticed that the heat was coming from a small e-cigarette battery I had in my pocket. There were two or three in my pocket at the time.”

He left the courtroom and was able to remove the battery before any more damage occurred. The coincidental incident didn’t help his client as the jury convicted Charles of second-degree arson.

Gutierrez says he’s quitting e-cigs. That might be a good idea.

 

Carjacker Arrested Because He Couldn’t Drive Stick

We all have to start somewhere when learning to drive. For me, it was my mom’s beige Aerostar minivan. Not the sexiest of vehicles, but it was practical and it got the job done.

It was however an automatic transmission and that’s what all of my driving experiences have in common. I’ve never driven a stick. I know it has something to do with balancing the clutch and the accelerator, but I’ve never had the pleasure or torment of trying.

One young man in Cleveland apparently had never driven stick either because it’s the main factor in why he was finally caught after a string of car thefts.

Police say 18-year-old Damari Wayne stole three cars at gunpoint within a 10-day period with two of them occurring only an hour apart.

The first came on Feb. 12 after he allegedly stole a 2004 Acura. He was arrested the following day. Nine days later after posting a $10,000 bond, Wayne and a 15-year-old accomplice committed the other two carjackings.

Damari Wayne was not “clutch” in his car thievery. | (Cleveland Police Department)

The first was a 2015 Jeep Cherokee. The teen allegedly pointed an Airsoft gun to the right side of a 40-year-old woman and said, “Hold up now, you know what time it is.”

But apparently the two men weren’t feeling this particular ride because a short time later, the teen approached a 23-year-old man sitting in a Ford Mustang and told him, “Get out of your vehicle now or I’m going to blow you away.”

Wayne and the accomplice stole the man’s wallet and cellphone. When they attempted to drive away, Wayne discovered that the car had a manual transmission.

Neither knew what to do, so they allegedly made the car owner tell them how to work the gears while threatening him with the gun.

The teaching lesson didn’t work. The duo got frustrated and eventually ran off with the victim’s cellphone. Authorities were then able to use the phone to track dumb and dumber to a nearby train station. They were eventually arrested.

I’m no car thief, but maybe check before getting in the car. I know a Ford Mustang is awfully enticing, but stick with the Jeep. Like my mom’s Aerostar, it might not be as cool, but it’s practical.

Where Did The Week Go… The Return of the Woolly Mammoth

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Scientists Trying to Bring Woolly Mammoth Back to Life

Scientists believe they may be on the verge of resurrecting one of history’s most mythical creatures.

The woolly mammoth, which thrived during the Ice Age 4,000 years ago, became extinct long ago. But according to Harvard scientists, the animal might be making a comeback.

“Our aim is to produce a hybrid elephant-mammoth embryo,” said Professor George Church. “Actually, it would be more like an elephant with a number of mammoth traits. We’re not there yet, but it could happen in a couple of years.”

Church and his team will be presenting their research at the American Association for the Advancement of Science (AAAS) annual meeting in Boston.

This never ends well for the humans. | (Yahoo!)

My question regarding this news is, have these Harvard scientists seen Jurassic Park? Or how about Deep Blue Sea to a lesser extent? Spoiler alert, it doesn’t end well for the humans in those movies. Creating an elephant-mammoth hybrid using embryos sounds cool, but playing god in regards to animals just sounds like a bad idea.

To quote the great Ian Malcolm from Jurassic Park, “This isn’t some species that was obliterated by deforestation, or the building of a dam. Dinosaurs had their shot, and nature selected them for extinction.”

Church’s reasoning behind bringing the creature back to life is related to global warming. In an article published in the Scientific American in 2013, Church wrote:

“Mammoths could keep the region colder by: (a) eating dead grass, thus enabling the sun to reach spring grass, whose deep roots prevent erosion; (b) increasing reflected light by felling trees, which absorb sunlight; and © punching through insulating snow so that freezing air penetrates the soil. Poachers seem far less likely to target Arctic mammoths than African elephants.”

Don’t get me wrong, it would be cool to see a woolly mammoth, but that might be an animal best left alone. How about we resurrect something smaller first and see how that goes?

 

Seth Rogen Trying Really Hard to Get Trump Out of Office

Seth Rogen really doesn’t like President Trump (Get in line) and he’s found a creative and direct way of attempting to remove him from office.

The comedian and actor discovered that Donald Trump Jr. is following him on Twitter. So he decided to send junior a series of direct messages.

“Hey man! It’s Seth. Your father is trying to discredit our media, collude with Russia, and destroy the environment. It would be super cool of you to be like, ‘yo, dad, why don’t you stop all this and go back to being just a guy on TV.’ The majority of the world would be pretty psyched. Thanks!!!”

By any means necessary to get Trump out of office, right! | (NBC/Getty)

Attached to the message was a screenshot of the president’s joke of a press conference on Thursday. But Rogen wasn’t done there. Several hours later he sent another message:

“Hey man. I don’t mean to come across as a weirdo or anything,” Rogen wrote. “I just realized I could message you so I thought I would. So, maybe, ask your dad to investigate if his campaign was in talks with Russia leading up to the election? Or maybe just have someone investigate Flynn’s ties to Russia? Or maybe just ask your dad to go back to hosting game shows? I bet he would prefer that. He doesn’t seem to like this. Thanks dude! Peace!!”

I love how passive aggressive Rogen is. He’s really politely telling junior that his dad is not good at his job, the most important job in the country, and he just thinks Trump would be happier not doing it. I think most would agree with that.

Rogen’s movie, The Interview, was supposedly the major factor behind North Korea hacking Sony Pictures. That was incredible and unbelievable. Rogen being involved in the downfall of Trump’s presidency would be something else entirely. But if it takes a comedian whose humor usually involves weed and dick jokes to bring down this administration, sign me up.

 

Border Patrol Discovers Drug-Slinging Catapult

Drug smugglers seem to be coming up with more and more creative ways to get drugs into the U.S. But this latest story feels like the smugglers have literally thought of everything and are now resorting to Medieval tactics.

Border Patrol agents in Arizona discovered a catapult attached to the top of a border fence near the Douglas Port of Entry in Arizona. The catapult was used to launch marijuana into America from Mexico.

The device appeared to be constructed of square tubing and a heavy spring welded together with rope tied around it. The device was powerful enough to sling two bundles of weed — weighing more than 40 pounds — into the U.S.

Agents discovered the catapult last week after they approached several people near the fence. The CBP alerted Mexican authorities, who seized the catapult, and CBP agents later dismantled it.

This really does feel like a last-resort kind of idea. Drugs in food, drugs inside the paneling of cars or drugs literally in a person have all been done. So let’s just fling it in the air over a fence and hope no one notices.

Where Did The Week Go… Charles Oakley Arrested at Knicks Game

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Charles Oakley Kicked Out of New York Knicks Game and Arrested

The Wednesday night game between the Los Angeles Clippers and New York Knicks was entertaining. But the biggest story to come out of the game is what happened off the court.

During the first quarter, Kristaps Porzingis was about to shoot a free throw when play suddenly stopped and all of the players looked toward the front row behind the basket.

Former New York Knick tough guy Charles Oakley was being escorted out of the arena by no less than seven security guards. As they made their way to the tunnel, Oakley fell and was eventually cuffed by a police officer. It was a bizarre scene.

Replays show Oakley pushing one security guard away and grabbing another by the throat. According to the Knicks organization and local media who spoke with people nearby, Oakley was acting inappropriately and yelling at Knicks owner James Dolan prompting the security team to confront the 53-year-old.

Charles Oakley has always had a bit of a temper. | (SBNation)

Following his early exit from the game, Oakley was officially arrested and charged with three counts of assault and one count of criminal trespassing. The following day, he made the media rounds. He denied acting belligerent towards Dolan and that he was there as a fan.

This is the latest in a string of issues that have befallen the Knicks franchise. Earlier this season, starting point guard Derrick Rose failed to show up for a game and didn’t tell anyone where he was going. He later said he had to deal with a “family matter.”

In addition to that, star player Carmelo Anthony and team president Phil Jackson have engaged in several social media wars over Anthony’s play on the court and whether he should wave his no-trade clause.

These are just things that have happened off the court. As a team, New York is a disaster yet again. They are currently 11 games under .500. In the six seasons Anthony has been there, the team has made the playoffs only three times. They haven’t had a winning season in four seasons.

The Knicks should be one of the elite franchises. But in the last 13 years, the team has been through five team presidents, six head coaches and have been embroiled in multiple sexual misconduct lawsuits. They’ve also been notorious for giving massive contracts to players undeserving and making terrible decisions in the NBA draft.

This latest incident just highlights an organization rife with mismanagement and turmoil. It’s hard to believe a city like New York can’t have a competent basketball franchise let alone a competitive one.

 

Police Threaten Drunk Drivers with Justin Bieber Super Bowl Ad

Not too long ago, police were threatening potential law breakers with Nickelback music and now that’s evolved into Justin Bieber.

On Super Bowl Sunday, the Wyoming Police Department sent out a tweet letting residents of their small town know that if they drove while intoxicated following the big game, the punishment would be even worse than a normal DUI.

“If you drive drunk tonight we’re going to subject you to that Justin Bieber @TMobile Super Bowl Commercial the entire way to jail,” tweeted the Wyoming, Minnesota Police Department.

This would definitely deter me from drinking and driving. | (aceshowbiz.com)

The ad features Bieber in a tuxedo recounting the history of the touchdown dance with help from New England Patriots tight end Rob Gronkowski. Bieber concludes the commercial with a number of nifty dance moves. I actually didn’t mind the ad, but the Wyoming Police apparently felt it was crime unto its self.

The tweet was meant for the 8,000 or so residents of Wyoming, but its message of “If you drink and drive, you will be subjected to Bieber” reached far beyond their small town.

“We’ve seen responses from Europe, Australia, all across the U.S. and Canada,” said Wyoming Police Chief Paul Hoppe.

The tweet has had more than a million views and it apparently worked. The department received no drunken driving arrests Sunday night. We’ve had Nickelback and Bieber. What’s next, Trump speeches?

 

Dept. of Education Misspells Author’s Name in Tweet

Betsy DeVos’ confirmation as the new Secretary of Education has been met with much scrutiny due to her lack of experience in education. The Michigan billionaire has neither worked in nor attended a public school nor has she sent her children to public schools. I can see where people might have a problem with that.

Following her razor-thin win after Vice President Mike Pence cast the tie-breaking vote, her first week on the job didn’t exactly go smoothly.

Not a great start for the new Secretary of Education. | (DeVos: Jonathan Ernst/Reuters; illustration by Yahoo News)

On Sunday, the U.S. Department of Education tweeted a photo and quote from the late writer, historian and civil rights activist W.E.B. Du Bois. The quote read, “Education must not simply teach work – it must teach life.”

Great quote, but there was one small problem. The original tweet spelled his name as DeBois. The error was left unchanged for nearly four hours before the department corrected the error and issued an apology. Except, the apology also contained an error.

“Our deepest apologizes for the earlier typo,” the initial apology tweet read before a second one was issued.

The new Secretary of Education deemed unfit to hold the position due to her lack of “education” has not one but two tweets with errors in them? Somebody must have been fired after this.

I’ve had my fair share of errors and typos in these columns, but misspelled names is a no-no. Especially from the Secretary of Education.

Where Did The Week Go… Falcons on a Plane

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Falcons Get First-Class Treatment

I thought if I was going to be writing about falcons this week, it would involve football. But instead my focus is on Middle Eastern airlines and their birds.

This week, a photograph surfaced of a cabin full of birds flying in an unusual way. The falcons were traveling to Jeddah, in Saudi Arabia according to passenger Ahmet Yasar.

The dozens of falcons were each given their own seat as well as boxes to sit on. But don’t you have to have photo I.D. to fly? Not a problem for these birds. They each have their own passports courtesy of the Ministry of Environment and Water. The passports are issued to deter smuggling of birds (Okay?).

Birds on a plane. | (Ahmet Yasar)

Flying falcons in the cabin of an airplane is quite common in the Middle East. Between 2002 and 2013, the government issued more than 28,000 falcon passports.

Qatar Airways allows a passenger to travel with one falcon as an economy class passenger and a maximum of six falcons are permitted within the entire cabin. But I guess this passenger knew a guy in order to get far more onto this flight.

The falcons remain calm during the flight thanks to their practical wooden stands and little hoods over their heads.

We usually have to deal with crying babies, sick people and impatient passengers when flying as well as the occasional snake. But falcons? That’s a new one.

 

Gambler Leaves Casino to Rob Bank, Comes Back to Gamble More

You know you have a gambling problem when….

Kerry Johnson, 52, pleaded guilty to second-degree robbery on Wednesday for an August 2 robbery of a bank in Charleston, West Virginia, according to the Charleston Gazette-Journal.

Johnson was gambling at the Mardi Gras Casino in Nitro when he got up from the blackjack table and left a $25 chip to hold his spot.

Johnson then went to the bank and gave a note to the teller saying he had a bomb and a weapon. He left the bank with $5,000 and instead of fleeing, he returned to the casino to resume his blackjack game.

Kerry Johnson had quite a night. | (WCHS)

He was arrested the next day after police received an anonymous tip. After searching his residence, investigators found a yellow legal pad matching paper used for the robbery note.

Detectives also found a large amount of money stuffed into Johnson’s couch. I usually find a quarter between mine.

At the hearing, Johnson told the judge he’d taken a few drugs the day of the robbery. I hope that’s the same excuse he used to explain his weak cover-up.

Side note: Does anyone actually get away with a bank robbery these days? It’s impossible. Between the bills being tracked and security cameras, there’s no way. This isn’t John Dillinger or Bonnie and Clyde during the Depression performing stick-ups.

 

Dying Teen Fulfills Bucket list Item in Stunning Fashion

Alyssa Elkins, a 16-year-old from McConnelsville, Ohio, was diagnosed with leukemia. Doctors told her she had only four months to live, so she made a list of things to do in her final months.

Among the items were your typical things: getting a puppy and going to Disney World. But another unusual request on her list was using a stun gun on someone.

She got the idea after watching a video of her uncle, Ohio State Highway Patrolman Josh Barry, being hit with a Taser during his training.

She loved it so much, she added it to the list.

Alyssa Elkins’ bucket list item was stunningly original. | (YouTube)

Elkins fulfilled her dream last Sunday after eight employees of the Newark Police Department volunteered to be hit with a Taser by the teen.

She stunned them one at a time in front of a group of 50 people. To make sure it was a safe environment, each volunteer was held by two spotters and Tased in the back instead of IN THE FACE!

“It is unpleasant to say the least,” Sgt. Doug Bline to WBNS TV. “But if for five seconds it makes somebody’s dream come true, especially someone in her situation, I think it was well worth it no matter what.”

Next on Elkins’ list is a family trip to Disney World in February. Hopefully she leaves Mickey Mouse alone.

Where Did The Week Go… Bad Week for Oregon Coaches

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Oregon Coaches Suspended, Arrested and Fired This Week

The new football coach of the Oregon Ducks, Willie Taggart, has gotten off to a good start in terms of recruiting and convincing players like Royce Freeman and Darren Carrington to return. But he doesn’t appear to be a great judge of character for hiring employees following yet another one of his assistant coaches getting in trouble.

Oregon assistant David Reaves was arrested just after 2 a.m. Sunday morning on charges of DUI, reckless driving and reckless endangerment. This comes only days after he was officially hired as the team’s co-offensive coordinator. Reaves followed Taggart to Oregon from South Florida.

Following the arrest, the university released a statement indicating that they intend to fire Reaves.

“Reaves has been placed on administrative leave and the process to terminate his employment with cause has commenced,” UO athletic director Rob Mullens said in the statement. “The University has high standards for the conduct of employees and is addressing this matter with the utmost of seriousness.”

It hasn’t been a good week to be an Oregon fan. | (Oregon Athletics)

This news follows the program suspending its strength coach Irele Oderinde earlier this week for a month without pay after three players were hospitalized following conditioning workouts.

“I want to put together a dynamic, diverse staff that’s going to help us to get to where we want to go and guys that are going to come in here and be great mentors for our players. That’s the most important thing to me.”

That’s what Taggart told The Oregonian/OregonLive in regards to the type of coaching staff he wanted to put together. Unfortunately, that statement and Taggart is looking more and more embarrassing.

For years Oregon has been known as a program that promotes from within in regards to its coaching staff. This is why you haven’t seen a lot of turnover. But with the hire of Taggart, the thought was that major changes were coming.

After what’s transpired this week, perhaps he should stop hiring new coaches altogether.

 

Oregon Man Finds Year-Old $1 Million Lottery Ticket While Cleaning His House

I generally consider myself a clean person. If you walk into my apartment, you will get a sense of organization and maturity and I take great pride in that. That being said, everything looks good on the surface. In reality, the microwave could use a good clean, the kitchen counters probably need a once-over with some disinfectant wipes and the shower…. You know what, don’t worry about the shower. I’ll get to it!

Another thing on my to-do list is cleaning out my bedside nightstand drawer. The thing is stuffed with 5-year-old receipts, unused gift cards, old Playboys and a Blockbuster membership card I strangely don’t want to part with. Call me nostalgic. But maybe I should get to it because there might be a winning lottery ticket buried in there.

Joemel Panisa of Logsden, Oregon was hunkered down in his home following a snowstorm on Monday. Unable to go anywhere, he decided to clean his house. Eventually, he stumbled across a year-old winning lottery ticket worth $1 million.

I should clean my home more often. | (popsugar.com)

He had purchased the Mega Millions ticket at a mini market in Newport on Jan. 15, 2016. But once he returned home, he placed it inside an envelope in his home office and forgot about for nearly a year.

But with only eight days left before it was to expire, Panisa miraculously discovered it and claimed his winnings on the same day. Snowstorm be damned.

Update: I just rummaged through my drawer and found $2. You see, you never know what you’ll find. So if you take anything from this story, learn that if you get to cleaning out that closet or drawer or desk, you too can find a $1 million winning lottery ticket…. or $2. But you’ll never know until you do.

Where Did The Week Go… Mail Carrier Jeff Kramer Builds Ramp for Elderly Dog

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Colorado Mail Carrier Jeff Kramer Builds Ramp for Elderly Dog

Normally a mail carrier’s biggest fear or obstacle when delivering the mail is a rabid dog. But for Jeff Kramer in Boulder, Colorado, the highlight of his route was his daily encounters with Tashi the black lab.

“As fast as he could — which was not very fast — he ran up to me tail wagging, first day I met him,” Kramer said. “He’s just a really friendly dog. And I am a dog person, and they can tell.”

But those enthusiastic greetings from Tashi began to wain after a few years due to the dog’s advanced age (He’s 14).

Jeff Kramer on his daily route in Boulder, Colorado. | (KUSA)

“We were literally carrying him up and down the stairs,” said Tashi’s owner, Karen Dimetrosky. “And he weighs about 70 pounds.”

Kramer noticed this and decided to do something about it. Kramer had built a ramp for his own dog, which had been sitting in his backyard since the dog passed away a few years ago.

“I just noticed they needed it. I didn’t need it anymore and I hate throwing thins away,” said Kramer.

So on his day off, Kramer hauled the ramp over to the Dimetrosky residence and installed it himself.

“It’s incredible,” said Dimetrosky. “I can’t imagine not having the ramp now. It’s the only way he gets in and out.”

 

Netflix Instant Pick: Zero Motivation

It’s been awhile since I’ve done one of these, but it’s a new year so how about a  Netflix recommendation.

I like finding diamonds in the rough on Netflix and a perfect example is Zero Motivation. Where else can you find a military office comedy from Israel.

The film follows female Israeli soldiers pushing papers and perfecting Mind Sweeper in an effort to make their time in the military go by faster so they can return to civilian life.

But amidst their boredom and clashing personalities, they must deal with issues of commitment, friendship, love and country.

Written and directed by Talya Lavie, Zero Motivation is a sharp satire not only on the inner workings of a typical work environment, but also women in a predominantly male setting.

But the interesting thing is, the few male characters that do show up in the film are not obstacles or villains for the female characters. Lavie makes her protagonists figure out their problems on their own however messy it may be.

‘Zero Motivation’ is a sharp office satire from an unlikely place. | (heebmagazine.com)

The two main characters are Zohar and Daffi. Zohar is the office veteran who presents this facade that she’s tough as nails and knows everything. But in reality, she’s clueless when it comes to the opposite sex and fears her impending future.

Daffi’s motivations are more clear. She will do anything to get transferred from the remote desert base to the more thriving and Westernized Tel Aviv.

The film is presented in three segments focusing on the two main characters as well as a third character, Captain Rama, the only female officer in the management team.

The script is smartly structured and features terrific performances, particularly from Dana Ivgy who plays Zohar. She has an irrational confidence on screen that really impressed me.

Despite a setting that is foreign to American audiences, Zero Motivation tackles universal themes with wit, intelligence and humor. It’s also just a great movie with strong female characters leading it. You don’t see that very often.

 

Man Accused of Urinating on Cop

Welcome back, Florida!

A man in the sunshine state is facing charges of battery and indecent exposure after he allegedly urinated on a highway patrol officer.

Joseph Murphy was arrested Sunday morning for disorderly intoxication at a shopping mall at the Walt Disney World Resort, according to WKMG TV.

The 20-year-old was placed in a patrol car and allegedly began banging his head against a partition and then tried to choke himself.

According to police, Murphy started yelling “police brutality” and “F*** Trump” to the officers. But the young man wasn’t done yet.

Upon arriving at the jail, he urinated on the floor as well as an officer’s pants. Murphy is now facing charges including battery on a law enforcement officer, exposure of sexual organs, two charges of resisting arrest without violence and disorderly intoxication.

That’s quite the night for anyone, but in Florida it’s just another day at the office.

Where Did The Week Go… Keep Betty White Alive!

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Go Fund Me Page Created to Protect Betty White from 2016 Curse

Congratulations any person who’s ever been remotely famous. You made it to midnight last night without dying. The celebrity curse of 2016 was a real thing. We lost Gary Shandling, Alan Rickman, David Bowie, Muhammad Ali, Prince, Harper Lee, Nancy Reagan, Gordie Howe, Anton Yelchin, Gene Wilder, Arnold Palmer, Florence Henderson, George Michael, Carrie Fisher and her mother, Debbie Reynolds the very next day!

Seemingly no one was safe, not even celebrities we thought had died years ago like George Kennedy and Zsa Zsa Gabor. We even lost famous people who seemed immortal like Abe Vigoda and Fidel Castro.

But one celebrity we absolutely couldn’t lose in 2016 is Betty White. That would have been the final nail in the coffin (No pun intended). Fortunately, she made it and it might be thanks to a Go Fund Me account started to “help protect Betty White from 2016.”

Betty White made it to 2017! | (Evan Agostini/Invision/AP)

Started on Tuesday by Demetrios Hrysikos of South Carolina, the page states, “Help 2016 catch these hands if it goes anywhere near Betty White! If she’s okay with it I will fly to where ever Betty White is and keep her safe till Jan. 1, 2017.”

As of today, the account has raised more than $9,000 toward its $10,000 goal. The Go Fund Me page is all in good fun obviously and all of the donations will go to the Spartanburg Little Theater in South Carolina to “help craft new stars of stage and screen to carry mantle of the legends that have left us this year.”

This was certainly a creative way to drum up some donations for a good cause and it accomplished its primary goal: Keep Betty White alive. She’s 94 and still going strong. Side note: Kirk Douglas turned 100 in 2016. How many cigarettes and booze has that man consumed and he’s still kicking. They don’t make em like that anymore. That man will outlive us all.

 

Brenna Clanton Gets back at Fiance Who Dumped Her Via Text Message

Brenna Clanton of Austin, Texas was having a wonderful 2016. After her boyfriend proposed to her back in June, she decided to secretly buy a pair of expensive tickets to the Dallas Cowboys’ Dec. 26 home again against the lions to surprise him.

Brenna Clanton gets the last laugh. | (Twitter)

But the 2016 Gods quickly re-calibrated such a happy life. A week after Clanton bought the tickets, her fiance dumped her, telling her they had “nothing in common.” To make things worse, he did it through a text message. Now that’s low.

Undaunted by the harsh breakup, Clanton went to the game anyway.

“I was just going to take my best friend instead,” said Clanton to the Dallas Morning News. She also took a handmade sign that read, “My fiance dumped me in a text message. He should have waited until after Christmas.”

The sign included “#NothinginCommon.” I don’t usually condone trolling on the Internet, but this was well-played on her part. And she was smart in not including his name. He seems like the kind of person who would sue over something like this. Judging by her photo, I don’t think she’ll have any problem finding another date.

 

Roller Coaster Malfunction Causes 21 People to be Stuck 100 ft in the Air

I love roller coasters and have always secretly wished I lived near a Six Flags or Knott’s Berry Farm. But while I love the thrill of them, I’ve also felt that so much has to go right for them to function because of the countless moving parts. You’re essentially strapped into a seat hurtling down a track of metal going faster than a speeding car. It’s crazy. I’ve also seen Final Destination 3.

But besides falling to your death, the next scariest thing to happen on a roller coaster is having the ride suddenly stop. For 20 passengers and one ride operator at Knott’s Berry Farm in Buena Park, California, such a rare occurrence happened on Friday afternoon.

A different kind of thrill at the amusement park. | (Yahoo!)

At about 2 p.m. the Sky Cabin attraction stopped approximately 100 feet in the air. Among the passengers were seven children who were all forced to wait on the ride for nearly seven hours while the Orange County Fire Authority figured out the best way to bring them down safely.

Fire crews initially tried to use a crane to bring them down, but they eventually opted to lower each passenger one-by-one with a rope and harness system.

All 21 people were rescued without incident.

“Each of Knott’s rides is inspected, check-listed and properly maintained daily. Sky Cabin will remain closed until the park’s investigation into the cause of the incident is completed,” the park said.

This type of incident won’t prevent me from going on roller coasters in the future, but the thought of something like this happening is always in the back of my mind. But isn’t that part of the thrill of it?

Where Did The Week Go… Elderly Woman or Mannequin?

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Police Mistake Mannequin for Elderly Frozen Woman

One of this year’s Internet crazes was the Mannequin Challenge which involved people standing frozen in an area and creating the illusion that they were in the middle of an activity before suddenly turning into a mannequin.

Some of the videos online are incredibly elaborate and everyone from athletes to politicians to college kids got in on the fun. Side note: Lebron James and Warren Beatty suck at it. Just saying. But isn’t it ironic that in a year when so many celebrities died, one of the fads was a game where people appear to be frozen or dead.

It’s a bit of a reach, I know, but on Friday, an alleged dead person turned out to be a mannequin.

Police in Hudson, New York were called when a citizen said she discovered an elderly woman ‘frozen to death’ in her Subaru parked along City Hall Place, Hudson.

I can see why they thought it was real. | (Hudson Police Department)

Police arrived and found the “woman” sitting in the passenger seat wearing an oxygen mask. It was very cold, about 8 degrees, and the car had a little bit of snow cover which led police to believe it had been there overnight.

An officer broke the rear passenger window and opened the door to discover it was  an extremely realistic life-sized mannequin. It had clothes, teeth and wrinkly skin. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a more life-like mannequin.

The owner of the vehicle eventually returned and it was determined that the mannequin was a CPR training device. The man is a sales manager for a company that manufacturers medical training aids.

The man was reportedly very upset with the them breaking his car window, but the police feel he shouldn’t have had it sitting upright in the car.

“Carry you mannequin a little bit better,” said Hudson Police Department Sgt. Randy Clarke. “The mannequin was in the front seat with a seat belt and appearing to be a passenger in the car.”

I know what this is. This guy wanted to take advantage of the carpool lane by taking his work home with him. Hopefully that’s the only reason he took the doll home.

 

UPS Delivers Assault Rifle Instead of Toy

Tis the season of giving. Some people ask for new socks, others for a nice pair of earrings or headphones. One New York couple wanted to get their friend’s son a toy plane. Instead they received something much more dangerous.

Newsday reports that Joel Berman opened the keyboard-sized case in front of his wife and 6-year-old granddaughter Wednesday night and discovered a semi-automatic rifle, scope, stand, ammo clip and copies of an Arizona man’s driver’s license and concealed-weapons permit.

Not exactly a Ride Ryder BB gun. | (wymt.com)

They called the police who confiscated the weapon. Atlanta-based UPS says it’s investigating the “highly unusual incident.”

This gives new meaning to the phrase, “You’ll shoot your eye out.” Yeah, more like invade a small country. Or prepare for the zombie apocalypse. Or something far worse that I don’t really want to think about.

We all want something for Christmas. Somewhere in Arizona, some dude is opening his package to discover a toy plane. Maybe don’t screw up that guy’s order. Just a thought.

 

Best Buy Employees Surprise Teen with Wii U

Having worked in retail, you tend to notice regulars who come in. Employees at a Best Buy in Valley Stream, NY noticed a boy who would always come into the store to play Super Smash Bros’ on the store’s Wii U demo console.

So a number of employees decided to make the young man’s Christmas a little brighter. Using their own money, the employees pitched in to purchase a Wii U Bundle for the teen, valued at $300, so he wouldn’t have to come into the store everyday.

The employees shot the exchange on video (Why not throw in some publicity for the store) and said:

“On behalf of all of us here at Best Buy,  we bought you a Wii so that you don’t have to come in here every day and play. This is something that we did for you, everybody here, that you see here, we all got together and chipped in so that you could have one for yourself.”

It might appear in the video that the teen is perhaps ungrateful. But he’s just genuinely speechless and maybe wondering if the kind gesture is too good to be true.

He eventually cracks a smile thus giving us another example of the joys of the holiday season. I could have wrote about two more ridiculous Florida stories, but instead decided to focus on an uplifting one.

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